Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
