We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
