my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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