I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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