Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize