You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
