We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
