I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
