Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
