I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
