you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In other news, I just burned my penis
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
