My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
