Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
