She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
