i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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