these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
