I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
