Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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