It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
