She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
