My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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