K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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