Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
