there's paper in my vomit.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
