We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
