You made me cry and you don't even care
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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