We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
