You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
