If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
