Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
