if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
