Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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