I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
