this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
