i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
