You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
