I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It's Friday. Sex?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
