Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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