We're facebook friends in real life
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
