Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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