I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
