I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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