I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize