I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There are leaves in my underwear?
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