My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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