What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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