It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
