We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
