You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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