I wish I could punch you in the face.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
