She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize