She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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