dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
