What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
