i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
