Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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