so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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