My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
