Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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