Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
