i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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