Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
