ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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