"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
