Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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