Just fell off a train. Bad.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
