We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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