I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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