I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
