Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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