ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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