I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
