Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
