she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
