My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
