i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
