My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize