3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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