Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
