Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize