I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
