Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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