Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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