she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
