just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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