you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
