i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
