Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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