Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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