oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
