You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
