yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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