Pappa wants mamma naked
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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