Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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