I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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