Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize