In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we made out on top of his cat.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
