so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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