ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
