Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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