So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
