I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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