Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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