no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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