Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
