Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
