Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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