just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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