So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
