As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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