I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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