I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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