I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
