I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
