im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
