my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
