i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
