I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
smell my finger.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
